sometimes...

some days i miss the simplicity that is childhood

or perhaps the simplicity that used to be childhood.

back when the meaning of a sunny day was playing at the park, and eating ice cream cones and riding your bike in circles because it was fun.

when you didn't wonder where your food came from, or how much it cost to turn the lights on.

when the future seemed a million miles away, and wondering what you would be when you grew up was like a dream instead of a daily deliberation.

before understanding the complexity of concepts like trust, honesty, or love.

before learning that fairy tales are only for books and movies

when death seemed like a scary myth, meant to prevent you from running across the road without your mommy holding your hand

before realism takes over your heart, and you know that dreams don't always come true.

before you know you will have to cry, sweat and bleed for everything you want.

before you know that life is a ride that can take you places where you don't want to go.

isn't 20 a little young to be jaded?

you, madam, are an ignoramous.

my darling sister wrote a news aricle about criticism. she wrote about how common it is today for people to judge things before they know anything about them. her specific example was a blog my brother wrote about how stupid the "twilight" books are. needless to say in this example, he has never read the books, and yet still felt credible enough to write an entire article about how horrible they are.

we all do this everyday...hear one bad song by a band and conclude that they "suck". see one bad essay someone wrote and decide that they are stupid. see some one slip and fall, and label them as clumsy. how much do we really know about things we judge?

the point i am trying to get to, is why are people with the least amount of information usually the first people to judge? we feel we can take some sort of snap shot of a situation and draw grand conclusions from it. sometimes, unfortunately, our daily extrapolating can have unfortunate consequences.

the worst part of this little phenomenon is the tendency for those lacking in information to try to contradict the statements of those in-the-know. someone who is informed, and able to make a sound decision based on experience and fact. the lacking individual will quite often try to tell the knowing individual that they are wrong to think, feel, and act how they do, despite the fact the lacking individual has no idea what the shit they are talking about

real life up close and personal example:

myself and my dear old dad

for those of you who don't know, my dad is dead. has been for some time....3.5 years to be roughly exact. he was an alcoholic, an unfit parent, and just a generally unpleasant and unkind person. he committed suicide, and proceeded to ruin the lives of 5 individuals (namely my family). now, he probably also ruined the lives of other's in his family, but being that they could not have cared less whether we were breathing or not, i will not proceed to give a shit in this writing.

of course, i went through the phase of "oh my god he was my dad and he is totally dead". let me tell you, it sucked! but eventually, i came to realize that yes, he was my father, but he was a damn crappy one!! just because he is dead doesn't mean i have to put him on some sort of pedestal and act like he was a hero just because now he lives in a jar! sure, i can remember some good times, some laughing and whatnot, but it's always over crowded by the fear, anger, depression, self-loathing, and hopelessness that he was so incredible at invoking in me.

some people look at this and say "well then, you are not over it. you are not truly over it until you can let go of all bad things"

well, first of all, i will never be over it. i am confident in saying if it had ever happened to you, you would never get over it either. second of all, leaving the incorrectness of the chosen terminology out of it, who is to say that i am not "over" it? i don't believe (and won't believe) that acceptance and moving on means forgetting what was real and pretending that everything was different from what it was. that, quite frankly, is the opposite of acceptance, and i am also just not that into lying to myself.

so, when i tell you my dad was not a good person, don't try to tell me that he was. you didn't know him, and even if you think you did, you didn't know him like i did, or like my family did. when i tell you i am a better person since he died, don't look at me like i am the devil. i am simply telling you a truth. i have learned from the situation, and lived my life accordingly. i have grown and learned how to smile without screaming inside.

things i say (especially when its me and my brother together) make people uncomfortable, because they can never imagine feeling how i feel. you can't imagine yourself laughing about your dead father, so that makes us horrible people.

no, it doesn't. he ruined us, for a long time. he was my father, and i can say, feel, and act however i want about it. i am accepting truth, i am moving on because nothing can be changed now. it is what it was, and that is all.

when something traumatic happens in a life, everyone has a different way to deal, and there are few ways that can be considered "wrong". if pushing the bad aside to only remember the good is what makes you happy, and helps you along the way, then that is all that matters. you should never let someone tell you how to feel (unless you are being self destructive, or harmful to others). i'm just getting tired of people telling me how they think i should feel.

so think about it, the next time you are quick to judge someone. this is not to say that i will never judge someone prematurely again...i know i will. i'm not proud of it, sometimes it happens before we think about it.

just watch what actually comes out of your mouth.

supercalafragelisticexbialadocious

laying here

i might be dying

the ripping, tearing, burning through my mind
i'm screaming, i'm dying
i'm silent.

and then,

a thought

this is real
i am strong

i am resilient and perseverant

the pain is scorching
no physical marks, but emotional lascerations

but still, my mind locks on the thought

i have weathered it all

never dulled it down, or shut it out

i open my arms, and welcome it,

because i know it comes, and then it goes
it goes and i am stronger

every scar on my heart makes it harder to pierce

it is part of my life, i can feel it coming

i do not drink myself to sleep
i do not alter my reality with drugs
i do not pretend everything is fine

it is real, and it happens, and i accept it

i am stronger.

i don't have to beat you down to know i am indestructible

because every morning, i wake with a smile

and i have won.

Here's to you, you bus driving bastards.

SO.

in the certain city where i reside, the bus union has decided that it is time for them to strike.

maybe i am biased, but to me this is clearly a very strategic time, and the strategy is aimed right at the hearts of the students.

obviously, students are the main users of the bussing system. we are dirt poor, and unless we live with our parents, we can't usually afford a car, the insurance required to legally drive said car, nor could we (up until recently) afford gas. the obvious choice for the average, non-wealthy, non-parent's house living student is the bus. it goes everywhere, at many times of day, and is about as cheap as it gets.

sure, it smells, people wipe their snot on the seats, and it rarely shows up when the signs say it will, but it becomes a very necessary part of the poor student's life. it is how we are able to spend time with friends, go grocery shopping, get to our menial part time jobs that provide us with enough money to survive, oh and also

WE LIKE TO USE IT TO GET TO OUR BLOODY EXAMS.

yes, ladies and gentlemen, this certain city's transpo has decided to strike right smack in the middle of exam season.

here is what i assume they think (hope) will happen.

bus's go on strike, and students are devastated because now they can't get to their exams. they realize that the city's suggestion of "carpooling" is ludicrous due to the fact that most of us DON'T OWN CARS. they figure we will all be so lost and disoriented that we will all phone the city and say "for the love of all that is holy, just give them what they want so we can ride our beloved bus!!" then they assume that the city will give in, and they will get their ridiculous 10.5% pay raise. then, of course, they are the ones in power, because any time in the future that they want absolutely anything, they can just have a strike right in exam times (preferably in the winter, so that students wouldn't dare try to walk for fear of becoming a human popsicle) and they will get whatever the hell their vacant hearts desire.

and, perhaps there will be students who do just that.

but what these transpo jerks don't realize is that we university students are pretty damn crafty. we're in university for a reason yo! we can find other ways. for some it's harder than others, that's true, and certainly, there will be students who have a really hard time dealing with this strike, and my heart honestly goes out to them, because if it wasn't for my aunt with a spare car, i would be one of them.

despite all that, here is what i really hope happens:

the transpo strike goes the way of the hockey strike.
they go on strike,
a few people are really upset,

but most people don't give a shit.

then, when they realize that the world goes on without them, they can come back to the city with their tails between their legs and sheepishly accept a much lower offer than they were offered yesterday, before they were on strike.

the whole concept of the "strike" has always baffled me, and also pissed me off. let us ponder strikes we have dealt with in the past....

it seems to me that these strikes usually do very little to hurt the people they are pissed off at. the bus drivers are pissed at the city government, so they go on strike. do you think any people working for the city government take the damn bus?? i think not. so they hurt the students, the low income families, the people trying to do their part for the environment. its like the very low scale equivalent to getting in a fight with someone, and holding a gun to someone else's head and saying "i will shoot them if you don't do what i say"

we didn't do anything.

if anything, we should strike against them! they are the ones who are always, ALWAYS late. the ones who drive past us when its 20 below and the bus is half empty. the ones who stop at friggin tim hortons for a coffee when you are just trying to get to work on time!!!

what would they do if we did this to them? a strike that actually affected the guilty party?

i'm a realistic girl, and i'll tell you right now as soon as those bus bastards get their prissy asses back in their bus driver seats, i'll be giving my aunt's car back, and getting back on the stupid bus. why? because i have no choice. i believe i mentionned above that i am dirt poor. what i know, is that we really have to hear the message here, and blame the right people.

they are putting a sour taste in the mouth of everyone who relies on public transit here, and i believe that is the opposite of what we want. we should be encouraging it, not making bus goers desire to scream obscenities at their driver when they get off the bus, instead of "thank you"

what it comes down to is, have your money war, if you think bus driving is that high tech of a job, but leave us little guys out of it...we are not your hostages.

ummmm....merry november?

is anyone else perturbed by the fact that malls are already playing christmas music?

i saw a man in a santa suit today

the grocery store already has their xmas candy hanging around.

IT IS NOVEMBER YOU TOOLS!!

when i was younger, and my dad would scoff people who had their xmas lights on early, i always made fun of him for hating on people for having christmas spirit.

but isn't november the 8th a little early, even for me?

maybe its just because i am forcing myself to not feel xmas-y this year.

maybe i am a scrooge!

damn.

anyways, i am bored outta my friggin skull.

i would kill for some rainbow sorbet.







arg.

Hello world

I haven't blogged in forever.

not that i haven't had anything to aimlessly rant about, i have just lacked computer access.

my apartment is messy, and i have to start making tacos in five minutes.

i just watched a movie about andy warhol and edie sedgwick. it was odd, but kinda good i think.

a job has NOT called me.

sadness.

plus, i am sick. i am always sick, because i am always stressed up to my eyeballs, and my immune system has no time to catch up.

damn sir, this blog sucks.

ttyl

oh boyfriend

please get your butt over here and make me feel better.

:(

you know what really grinds my gears?

all the facebook and myspace girls who put up (usually somewhat unflattering) pictures of themselves, with crudely slapped on fluorescent letters, spelling out lame lyrics that they have chosen that apparently describe

their self;
their situation;
their hate for their ex-boyfriend;
their philosophy on life;
their love of getting tanked and forgetting who or what the did last night.

it started with just a few, until one day when it seemed like everyone was doing it.

am i supposed to be impressed?

this may seem like a lame thing to complain about, but it just seems so loser-esque.

although, i guarantee that there's someone who reads this and goes....

what a loser!

if there are actually any people who read this.

in which case, are they the loser for wasting their time for looking at my blog?
am i the loser for looking at the stupid pictures?

do you ever wish that everything was simple? you look up and the sky is blue, you look down and the grass is green. your face always smiles and you never have to wonder about anything.

because when everything is simple, there is nothing to wonder.

oh me.

i need some snuggles with boyfriend <3

laziness

is today's theme.

nothing to do, nowhere to go. just chillin.

last night i filled out what was my very first ever rental application, and i am getting veryyyyy nervous!!!

i really want the apartment. even though it was smaller than i expected, it just felt like it could be our home. i could see where all the furniture would go, i could see us cuddling on the couch watching movies, sitting at the dinner table after a long day, talking.

i keep trying to rationalize it to myself, thinking "they knew we were students when they told us about it, they have to know that we can't work full time jobs" but i just keep worrying. perfect neighborhood, own back yard, free laundry, clean, brand new appliances, bitchin bathroom and bedroom.

GAH!

boyfriend bought a trans am, and though i am moderately financially opposed, it's a pretty bad ass car.

J's b-day party was actually pretty decent. by the end of the night she was trashed outta her mind, but i enjoyed myself. i had a virgin strawberry daiquiri and it was delish.

i only have 3 weeks left of work, and i am prettttty damn excited to be finished with that. GB just gets worse and worse, and i wanna punch her in her GB-y mouth.

but back to moving, it is what we call "crunch time" whether we get this place or not, we have soooo much to do! of course, there is much more to do if we don't get it, but either way. i have to arrange moving truck and cable and internet and phone, as well as people to help move....

UGHGHGHGHGHG WHEN DOES THE STRUGGLING END?

me thinks never.

but for today, there is laziness.

so bite it, life!

tomorrow..

there is no work.

there will be no giving tours of a house i don't care about.
or pretending to like one or two people i don't.

or counting the seconds until september.

i am hoping to go see the apartment, but so far they have not gotten back to me.... oh well.

over the past few days i have been very pensive. i have been such a way over many things. some things might be your business.

others are not!

hehe.

today i saw a lady talking to her dog. but not just like "come 'ere sparky"

but like "now listen sparky, you have to go in the basket. i know that you hate it, but it's really busy out there, and i don't want you to get hurt, ok? i'm just looking out for you, that's all..."

and i was like

wtf?

and then i felt sad, because anyone who talks to their dog like that, clearly has no actual person to talk to.

on another note, i sometimes wonder how some people are either so incredibly blind, or so totally unwilling to care. whatev.

i would totally kill for a good steak right now. GD!

i would also love some motorcycle time.... and.
nevermind.

i said never mind!

i'm in a weird mood. am i as pathetic as the dog lady?

maybe more? because i am talking to something that is not even alive. i am just arbitrarily yammering on to web space.

bite me.

have you ever

connected with someone you thought you had no connection to, at a totally unexpected time?

its like you talk to them, see a mental photo of their past, and realize all of a sudden that they practically are you, far into your future (you hope for better career options but...)

and then, when you listen to them spill their guts, and you spill yours, you suddenly see everything in a clearer way. everything is much simpler, because they don't contradict you when you say things. they don't tell you to think about it differently, they just say

yes. i know what you mean. i know how you feel. i have felt it.

and all of a sudden, all of the doubting you had in yourself is gone,
all the hours you have spent wondering what to say,
all the wondering about what the unbiased truth was.

and then you are left with

anger.
words.
relief.
pain.

and you know that saying what you feel like saying will mean nothing, because they will be angry, and you will be hurt. she will cry, and so will you.

shocked,
defensive,
never saw it coming

because you were always too afraid.
you always took the easier way.
it was easier to smile while you bit your tongue till it bled.

and now

you are free
and trapped

from the same box you have always occupied.

where do we go from here?

3 weeks down

of this boring job.

the people are much nicer now...so that's ok. GB is still a GB, but whatev. life continues.

i just wish that for the next few weeks, that life would continue a little faster. i am tired of this job, and tired of living in one room...don't get me wrong, i appreciate it, but i need some spaaace!!

after 3 weeks of work, and meeting people every day, and getting asked the same questions like, everyday, i am now going to introduce myself in this fashion everytime i meet someone.

Hello! my name is H and i go to Carleton university, for pychology, and i love it, and i'm in my second year. i do not live in residence, and yes this past winter was ridiculous. i am from brockville and this is my summer job. yes i like brockville, and indeed we have had a whole lotta rain! this house is lovely, and indeed it is hot in here.

nice to meet you, have a lovely day.

holy cow.

last night was pretty damn cute. me and the manfriend rented some movies, and then got some candy. we came home, put on the "life of brian" which was quite hilarious. then, we both fell asleep for like 3 hours. i would wake up every once in a while, and he would still be sleeping very cutely, and i would take a moment to appreciate how adorable he is, and then fall back asleep myself.

it was lovely.

tonight i am going to see mamma mia. it will either be really great, or really terrible. we shall see.

the Love Paradox

Loving someone is a pretty funny thing.

and i don't mean "omg he's so cute, i like totally love him" love.

i mean, "your smile makes a horrible day disappear, your hugs are my cure all medicine, i would die for you, because i would die without you" love.

the funny thing about this kind of love is the fear that comes with it. i don't even mean the fear of betrayal, heartbreak, or infidelity. i mean the fear of

i don't think i could ever smile again, if one day you were gone.

the deeper you love, the deeper you fear. the more someone completes you, the more you realize how incomplete you would be without them.

you hear about horrible things that happen in this world, and it makes you sick to think that something like that could happen to someone you love.

when one feeling intensifies, so does another. it's physics. every action creates an opposite and equal reaction. the more you have, the more you have to lose.

you're happy to have such a wonderful and perfect love, but you fear the possibility of something someday taking it away.

the more you have it, the more you need it, and the more you realize that there's no going back...

ooh boy.

anyone who knows me, knows i have great, fantastic love for my manfriend. he is spectacular. but, every once in a while, i realize a little more just how great he is.

like a tiny moment where i just go "wow... is he real, like, for real?"

it might be something small he does...from a look, to a smile, to a touch, to a few sweet words.

sometimes i hear about the troubles that other people have, and i just feel incredibly lucky. i feel lucky that my man wants to spend a lot of time with me. lucky that he listens, even when i know the topic bores him to death. lucky that even on my grossest, laziest day, he still treats me as though i am as beautiful as any other day.

i feel lucky to have a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, and a person to laugh with.

i feel lucky to know i can trust him, know i can depend on him anytime, for anything.

i can call him, crying my eyes out, and we can just sit there on the phone, not saying anything at all, and just knowing he is on the other end of the line is comfort.

i always thought that finding "the one" was about compromise.

"i love him for x so i can deal with y"

i never thought that you could find someone and just think, there is literally nothing i would change. are there little things that can make me a little irritated at times? sure. but that is all part of how and why i love him. i think of everything i could ever want in someone, and its there, in him.

it's pretty much kick-ass.

so

how many

months
weeks
days
hours
minutes
seconds

until school starts again?

this job seriously sucks the big one. most people are nicer now, but one girl, who i will only refer to as GB (giant.....) is making me wanna punch her square in the mouth. if she talks down to me one more time.... i swear to god.

on the good side, only one more day of shitty work until two days of lovely off time. especially being that i get to babysit on saturday.

tomorrow, will also be rather lovely.... hehehe

J is supposed to hang out with me tonight, but she has yet to call me, which is moderately irritating.

pffffff. what a lame day.

i would really love a snuggle and a nap with BF. but unfortunately, being that i am supposed to have plans with J, he is staying home.

eff word!

do you ever...

think back to events in your past, and wonder if they ever really happened?

wonder if it is even possible that your life used to be so drastically different from how it is now?

there's no way i would...

say that,
do that,
think that,
go there,
accept that,
feel that way

today.

there's no way i ever took a step, one step, allowing myself to feel insignificant because my own father didn't care.

there's no way i smiled and bit my tongue when what i really meant was "i hate you for not caring"

there's no way that person i would believe the lies that slithered out of their mouths.

what can we do? we are ever changing and ever evolving to learn to deal with what we are dealt, and if we manage things right, we change for the better.

what happens to our pasts when we learn, and grow? even things that seemed good at the time become cringe-inducing, because our present selves would never act in the way our past selves saw fit. we would NEVER wear that sweater, talk to THAT guy, or spend out money on THAT.

sometimes we can look back and laugh. sometimes we look back and cry. sometimes it's easier to not look back at all.

people say you only have one life to live, but that seems unlikely. i look at my life, and even at my young age, i'd say i've already had about 4.

6 year old me was happy and care free. mommy loved daddy, and daddy loved mommy, and everyone was happy and there were no problems other that when i couldn't find the barbie i was looking for.

14 year old me was dark and lonely. i pushed everyone away, because i wanted to push myself away. mommy hated daddy, and daddy hated everything. everything was a problem, and i felt monotonous.

16 year old me was inexplicably complicated. i held the wrong people close, and paid for it later. i hated daddy, and daddy was dead. i tricked myself into believing that i was totally fine, and convinced myself that i didn't need anyone. i pretended to be who i wanted to be, and soon found out i didn't know who i actually was.

19 year old me smiles and cries. i just am, how i am, and that is the long and short of it. i don't act. i don't try. i just do. i love mommy. i deal with memories of daddy. i'm still figuring it all out, but things are falling into place. i am strong and i am proud of what i have struggled to become.

just a thought.

Today, so far..

is not shaping up so lovely.

bored out of my mind, with nowhere to go, because it's pouring rain.

tried to watch a movie this morning, wait...afternoon, and my bleep head brother decided that it was a great time for him to be a dink. he works nights, which was his own damn choice, so he got home at 6am and i put my movie on at like noon. he yells at me to turn it down, so i do. then he starts bitching that i should be watching it on my computer, but he was being so bloody rude that i ignored him.

so he told me to go jump in front of a car and do the world a favour.

so i said

ok, i'll get right on that.

eventually, i put the stupid god damn movie on my computer.

i am beyond tired of spending my entire life tip toeing around various people that i live with. i am tired of wondering if things ever change.



BLEEEP.

Somtimes, everything sucks.

today is basically one of those times.

do you ever have a day, and everything is just blah, but you think, well at least _________ is happening. and then, ___________ doesn't happen, and even though it's not even a big deal, it like, destroys your day.

well, my day was boring and stupid, i went to find more work clothes, and found nothing.

then i had a nap for like two hours, because there was nothing else to do.

then boyfriend calls and says he can't hang out tonight because he's too tired from work.

and then i effin CRIED. cried! can you bloody believe that. over something as insignificant as not seeing him for ONE DAY. I have seen him everyday this week, and i cried over one day.

why? because all week i looked forward to the weekend, and now the weekend is sucking. so the weekend can suck, and then have another week of suck, and this retarded pattern can continue until the end of the BLEEPING summer.

(dear mom, i edit my cursing for you)

and then, while i cry on the bathroom floor, because B is in the room, all i can think is

how pathetic is this?

i can't be alone for one bloody day without losing it? i'm so frickin tired, and tired of being here, and i just really desperately want to find my "niche", if you will.

i want to have a HOME where i can go home every night, and lay on the couch after dinner with BF and go to bed everynight, in my own bed, and know where everything is, and have everything the way that i want, and never have to feel like i am just suspended in nothing.


GAHHAHGHAKLGHDISALFJIEUSIAHFKLDSJAIFDE

the case of the repeat teenage mother...

what is it with 16 year old girls having babies and being so damn proud??

there are COUNTLESS myspace and facebook profiles of girls who are pregnant, and are like, super pumped about it. or at least act that way. they post pictures of their pregnant bellies, and all their friends go on and post comments saying

"omg your belly is soooo cuuute!!!"

now, don't get me wrong. i understand that "accidents can happen" and all that jazz, and obviously when a girl becomes pregnant, keeping it or not is her choice. but many, MANY of these girls, who are 16 or 17 are having their SECOND CHILD.

having one teenage pregnancy, though almost always due to poor choices and being ignorant of many years of health class, can be sympathized with. as i said, accidents happen, people make mistakes, and so on.

but the same mistake twice?

what ever happened to learning lessons? once you get accidentally pregnant the first time, wouldn't you from then on try a little harder to be sure you are having safe sex?

did these girls not realize how much work babies are with the FIRST ONE? i'm going to fathom a guess and speculate that these girls' parents are being
a) a little too lenient
b) a little too helpful

if your kid has a baby, and you pay for everything, and help take care of it all the time, and not make your child take any of the responsibility, then what are they going to learn?

they will learn that having a baby is not that big of a deal, and doing it again before the age of twenty will be no sweat. if that 16 year old can have the fun of a baby, the joy of having her friends fawn all over the various facebook photos of the kids latest tooth, AND still go out and party while mom watches little baby when ever they want, then clearly having another one isn't going to psyche them out.

clearly they aren't going to worry about protecting themselves better in future sexual exploits. when a teenager gets pregnant and decides to keep it, they are choosing the biggest responsibility of a lifetime. am i saying that the parent should abandon their teen and say

"good luck honey, hopefully you and your offspring won't die on the street."

no

but i do suspect that parents have a tendency to help a little too much because they desperately desire to have their daughter stay in school. they know, that if she doesn't finish high school at least, she has no future, or at least a dismal one.

but isn't it a problem when a 17 year old, who is almost an adult, can't see that? if they are adult enough to carry a child, give birth to that child, and then raise that child, they are adult enough to make other adult decisions.

isn't it a problem, when a parent tries harder to make their grown child's future than the child them self?

if you're adult enough to raise a baby, aren't you adult enough to say

"ok, we're using a condom this time"

jeeeze.

well...

i did not win a million dollars off my kitkat wrapper, which was disappointing. but, as they say...life goes on.

i finally have a day off, and it is feeling quite lovely. i have to go out shopping today, because i need more work clothes...but i'm not getting outta bed until i am good and ready!

i went out to a bar last night...for the first time ever really...it was cool. my friend's husband's band was playing, and they were great! he's actually a really talented singer, and i was quite impressed! the BF, my friend, and i sat at a table and yelled to each other for a couple of hours while they drank beers and i drank coke.

lol...oh me.

at first, when i got my first drink, i started drinking it and it tasted weird. i was like

"i think there might be alcohol in this?!" and BF said he was sure there wasn't because it would have cost more if it did. then i realized...i'm so damn used to drinking diet coke, that regular coke now tastes weird to me. whatev, i'm a loser and i know it.

the funny thing about this bar, is that me and my posse were younger by just about everyone in there by about 10 years....at very least.

one can see many funny types when sitting in such a bar... like some lady who was wearing a cowboy hat, and this button up shirt that was too short, and she did not have a stomach to show off. or later, some bleach blond who came in, sporting a tiny pink dress, and stiletto heels.

i think i'm too old for my age. i can't imagine being mid-thirties or forties going out dressed like the women in this bar were. hell, i don't even dress like them now, despite the fact that my actual age permits me to.

however, i'm sure that they all looked at me like i was a freak, being that i was dressed far too metal for this bar. but whatev...when i look good, i look good, and i did in fact look good. it just kind of made me laugh that the 19 year old is all covered up, and the 40 year olds are hanging it all out.

weird?

anyways, i am starving. i better get something at least moderately healthy, because i have been slacking. i get home from work so bloody hungry, that i grab the first fast food that i pass. my body, not appreciating it so much.

blah...