Somtimes, everything sucks.

today is basically one of those times.

do you ever have a day, and everything is just blah, but you think, well at least _________ is happening. and then, ___________ doesn't happen, and even though it's not even a big deal, it like, destroys your day.

well, my day was boring and stupid, i went to find more work clothes, and found nothing.

then i had a nap for like two hours, because there was nothing else to do.

then boyfriend calls and says he can't hang out tonight because he's too tired from work.

and then i effin CRIED. cried! can you bloody believe that. over something as insignificant as not seeing him for ONE DAY. I have seen him everyday this week, and i cried over one day.

why? because all week i looked forward to the weekend, and now the weekend is sucking. so the weekend can suck, and then have another week of suck, and this retarded pattern can continue until the end of the BLEEPING summer.

(dear mom, i edit my cursing for you)

and then, while i cry on the bathroom floor, because B is in the room, all i can think is

how pathetic is this?

i can't be alone for one bloody day without losing it? i'm so frickin tired, and tired of being here, and i just really desperately want to find my "niche", if you will.

i want to have a HOME where i can go home every night, and lay on the couch after dinner with BF and go to bed everynight, in my own bed, and know where everything is, and have everything the way that i want, and never have to feel like i am just suspended in nothing.


GAHHAHGHAKLGHDISALFJIEUSIAHFKLDSJAIFDE

the case of the repeat teenage mother...

what is it with 16 year old girls having babies and being so damn proud??

there are COUNTLESS myspace and facebook profiles of girls who are pregnant, and are like, super pumped about it. or at least act that way. they post pictures of their pregnant bellies, and all their friends go on and post comments saying

"omg your belly is soooo cuuute!!!"

now, don't get me wrong. i understand that "accidents can happen" and all that jazz, and obviously when a girl becomes pregnant, keeping it or not is her choice. but many, MANY of these girls, who are 16 or 17 are having their SECOND CHILD.

having one teenage pregnancy, though almost always due to poor choices and being ignorant of many years of health class, can be sympathized with. as i said, accidents happen, people make mistakes, and so on.

but the same mistake twice?

what ever happened to learning lessons? once you get accidentally pregnant the first time, wouldn't you from then on try a little harder to be sure you are having safe sex?

did these girls not realize how much work babies are with the FIRST ONE? i'm going to fathom a guess and speculate that these girls' parents are being
a) a little too lenient
b) a little too helpful

if your kid has a baby, and you pay for everything, and help take care of it all the time, and not make your child take any of the responsibility, then what are they going to learn?

they will learn that having a baby is not that big of a deal, and doing it again before the age of twenty will be no sweat. if that 16 year old can have the fun of a baby, the joy of having her friends fawn all over the various facebook photos of the kids latest tooth, AND still go out and party while mom watches little baby when ever they want, then clearly having another one isn't going to psyche them out.

clearly they aren't going to worry about protecting themselves better in future sexual exploits. when a teenager gets pregnant and decides to keep it, they are choosing the biggest responsibility of a lifetime. am i saying that the parent should abandon their teen and say

"good luck honey, hopefully you and your offspring won't die on the street."

no

but i do suspect that parents have a tendency to help a little too much because they desperately desire to have their daughter stay in school. they know, that if she doesn't finish high school at least, she has no future, or at least a dismal one.

but isn't it a problem when a 17 year old, who is almost an adult, can't see that? if they are adult enough to carry a child, give birth to that child, and then raise that child, they are adult enough to make other adult decisions.

isn't it a problem, when a parent tries harder to make their grown child's future than the child them self?

if you're adult enough to raise a baby, aren't you adult enough to say

"ok, we're using a condom this time"

jeeeze.

well...

i did not win a million dollars off my kitkat wrapper, which was disappointing. but, as they say...life goes on.

i finally have a day off, and it is feeling quite lovely. i have to go out shopping today, because i need more work clothes...but i'm not getting outta bed until i am good and ready!

i went out to a bar last night...for the first time ever really...it was cool. my friend's husband's band was playing, and they were great! he's actually a really talented singer, and i was quite impressed! the BF, my friend, and i sat at a table and yelled to each other for a couple of hours while they drank beers and i drank coke.

lol...oh me.

at first, when i got my first drink, i started drinking it and it tasted weird. i was like

"i think there might be alcohol in this?!" and BF said he was sure there wasn't because it would have cost more if it did. then i realized...i'm so damn used to drinking diet coke, that regular coke now tastes weird to me. whatev, i'm a loser and i know it.

the funny thing about this bar, is that me and my posse were younger by just about everyone in there by about 10 years....at very least.

one can see many funny types when sitting in such a bar... like some lady who was wearing a cowboy hat, and this button up shirt that was too short, and she did not have a stomach to show off. or later, some bleach blond who came in, sporting a tiny pink dress, and stiletto heels.

i think i'm too old for my age. i can't imagine being mid-thirties or forties going out dressed like the women in this bar were. hell, i don't even dress like them now, despite the fact that my actual age permits me to.

however, i'm sure that they all looked at me like i was a freak, being that i was dressed far too metal for this bar. but whatev...when i look good, i look good, and i did in fact look good. it just kind of made me laugh that the 19 year old is all covered up, and the 40 year olds are hanging it all out.

weird?

anyways, i am starving. i better get something at least moderately healthy, because i have been slacking. i get home from work so bloody hungry, that i grab the first fast food that i pass. my body, not appreciating it so much.

blah...

almost there....

only one more day of boring work, and then i have TWO GLORIOUS DAYS OFF.

i'm prolly gonna sleep like, the whole time.

but then i can tick off one week out of seven until this stupid job is done.

i'm gonna go enter the number i got on my kit kat wrapper and see if i won a million dollars. if so, i will be quitting tomorrow.

wish me luck.

ooh man.

well,

i have done very little blogging lately, due to my working all the time, and then being tired when i am not working, or being otherwise occupiedddd..

so i have some chocolate cake here from boyfriend's family partay, and it is lovely.

work is getting slightly less lame. but only slightly.

apparently boyfriend's dad loved his b day present. which makes me happy. i like him very much.

next weekend i get the great joy (literally, no sarcasm here folks) of babysitting my friend's baby. and i love him, ever so much. i look forward to it greatly!!!

what i look forward to even more is finally finding an apartment and having a hommmmmeeeeeee.... i'm tired of feeling like a nomad. i just wanna come home and jump into my own bed, and know where everything is, and feel like i belong there.

ugh.

BF is coming over in a few mins. and i am sweaty and gross, so...shower time!

I'm tired....

and i just really, reallllly wanna sleep in in the morning.

i know, i'm a whiner. get over it.
that was mean. i'm tired.

i just want to sleep, and not have to deal with moody, bitchy women any more.

i don't know what is worse...incredibly annoying, or incredibly cold mannered.

blah.

how many weeks till summer's over??