you know what really grinds my gears?

all the facebook and myspace girls who put up (usually somewhat unflattering) pictures of themselves, with crudely slapped on fluorescent letters, spelling out lame lyrics that they have chosen that apparently describe

their self;
their situation;
their hate for their ex-boyfriend;
their philosophy on life;
their love of getting tanked and forgetting who or what the did last night.

it started with just a few, until one day when it seemed like everyone was doing it.

am i supposed to be impressed?

this may seem like a lame thing to complain about, but it just seems so loser-esque.

although, i guarantee that there's someone who reads this and goes....

what a loser!

if there are actually any people who read this.

in which case, are they the loser for wasting their time for looking at my blog?
am i the loser for looking at the stupid pictures?

do you ever wish that everything was simple? you look up and the sky is blue, you look down and the grass is green. your face always smiles and you never have to wonder about anything.

because when everything is simple, there is nothing to wonder.

oh me.

i need some snuggles with boyfriend <3

laziness

is today's theme.

nothing to do, nowhere to go. just chillin.

last night i filled out what was my very first ever rental application, and i am getting veryyyyy nervous!!!

i really want the apartment. even though it was smaller than i expected, it just felt like it could be our home. i could see where all the furniture would go, i could see us cuddling on the couch watching movies, sitting at the dinner table after a long day, talking.

i keep trying to rationalize it to myself, thinking "they knew we were students when they told us about it, they have to know that we can't work full time jobs" but i just keep worrying. perfect neighborhood, own back yard, free laundry, clean, brand new appliances, bitchin bathroom and bedroom.

GAH!

boyfriend bought a trans am, and though i am moderately financially opposed, it's a pretty bad ass car.

J's b-day party was actually pretty decent. by the end of the night she was trashed outta her mind, but i enjoyed myself. i had a virgin strawberry daiquiri and it was delish.

i only have 3 weeks left of work, and i am prettttty damn excited to be finished with that. GB just gets worse and worse, and i wanna punch her in her GB-y mouth.

but back to moving, it is what we call "crunch time" whether we get this place or not, we have soooo much to do! of course, there is much more to do if we don't get it, but either way. i have to arrange moving truck and cable and internet and phone, as well as people to help move....

UGHGHGHGHGHG WHEN DOES THE STRUGGLING END?

me thinks never.

but for today, there is laziness.

so bite it, life!

tomorrow..

there is no work.

there will be no giving tours of a house i don't care about.
or pretending to like one or two people i don't.

or counting the seconds until september.

i am hoping to go see the apartment, but so far they have not gotten back to me.... oh well.

over the past few days i have been very pensive. i have been such a way over many things. some things might be your business.

others are not!

hehe.

today i saw a lady talking to her dog. but not just like "come 'ere sparky"

but like "now listen sparky, you have to go in the basket. i know that you hate it, but it's really busy out there, and i don't want you to get hurt, ok? i'm just looking out for you, that's all..."

and i was like

wtf?

and then i felt sad, because anyone who talks to their dog like that, clearly has no actual person to talk to.

on another note, i sometimes wonder how some people are either so incredibly blind, or so totally unwilling to care. whatev.

i would totally kill for a good steak right now. GD!

i would also love some motorcycle time.... and.
nevermind.

i said never mind!

i'm in a weird mood. am i as pathetic as the dog lady?

maybe more? because i am talking to something that is not even alive. i am just arbitrarily yammering on to web space.

bite me.

have you ever

connected with someone you thought you had no connection to, at a totally unexpected time?

its like you talk to them, see a mental photo of their past, and realize all of a sudden that they practically are you, far into your future (you hope for better career options but...)

and then, when you listen to them spill their guts, and you spill yours, you suddenly see everything in a clearer way. everything is much simpler, because they don't contradict you when you say things. they don't tell you to think about it differently, they just say

yes. i know what you mean. i know how you feel. i have felt it.

and all of a sudden, all of the doubting you had in yourself is gone,
all the hours you have spent wondering what to say,
all the wondering about what the unbiased truth was.

and then you are left with

anger.
words.
relief.
pain.

and you know that saying what you feel like saying will mean nothing, because they will be angry, and you will be hurt. she will cry, and so will you.

shocked,
defensive,
never saw it coming

because you were always too afraid.
you always took the easier way.
it was easier to smile while you bit your tongue till it bled.

and now

you are free
and trapped

from the same box you have always occupied.

where do we go from here?